I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
