Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
