end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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