did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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