Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
