You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
