Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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