just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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