So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
