hotel room ftw
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
