If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
