the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
