My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
