Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
