around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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