Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
