u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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