YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
