I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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