She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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