I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
