Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
