god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
