this beer tastes like vomit already
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
