in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
