a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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