Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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