It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
