Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
