Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
