I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
