i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
