He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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