and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
