we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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