i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
