please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize