I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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