So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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