Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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