Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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