i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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