dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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