I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
