i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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