shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
