Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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