Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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