Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Terrible idea I love it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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