Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
