yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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