she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
