The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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