So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
