While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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