Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize