So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
