Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
