You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
