I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
