Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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