Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
