Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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