He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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