Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
