How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
