I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize