Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
