my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
