chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
