the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize