i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
