apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
