I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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