Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
