allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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