wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize