what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
