I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize