I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
